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We’ve all worked with a Kevin.

Maybe you’ve even been a Kevin.

His team would watch in dismay as Kevin slammed down his cup, let out a stream of expletives, and generally had what Everett describes as an “amygdala hijack,” a sudden emotional reaction that overrode his rational thinking. The HR team also took notice, concerned that Kevin’s public displays of temper were inconsistent with the company’s brand and culture.

When Everett sat down with Kevin to discuss his behaviour, he was initially defensive. But his attitude changed once she pointed out that his grown children would be mortified to witness such an outburst from their father. Kevin had never considered the impact his actions had on his team and the broader organisation.

Under Everett’s guidance, Kevin developed strategies to better manage his emotions and model the professional behaviour he expected from his team. However, this case highlights how even good leaders can have blind spots regarding their own conduct.

Many people have experience of working alongside “difficult people,” those who make others’ work experience harder. Everett stresses that “understanding the root causes behind such behaviour is often the key to helping them improve”.

In her book, Everett describes a range of challenging behaviours exhibited by coworkers and explores how both the individuals concerned and their colleagues responded to them. There are toxic bosses, lazy colleagues, frenemies who undermine their coworkers behind their back, overly critical managers, and people whose negativity drags others down.

It can be tempting to suffer such conduct in dignified silence, but Everett makes a case for other approaches

Have an Open Conversation and Ask Questions

If you fail to address a challenge openly, you will simply let it continue. Often, the other person will not even be aware that their behaviour is challenging for you. It’s important to have the conversation with them, however difficult you find it to do so.

Annalise, a recruiter in her 30s, had a complicated relationship with her manager, Janice, who was in her 40s. As Everett described it, the two “seesawed between friendship and enmity.” At first, they were close, going out together and supporting each other. But once Annalise started winning big business deals, Everett said, “the knives were out for her.”

Recognising the tension, Annalise decided to have a direct conversation with Janice. She told Janice, “I want to stay working for you. I really like your company, but I don’t want to have nasty feedback in public. We’re on the same side. I respect you as a manager; I can learn from you, but we need to work together.”

Set Clear Boundaries

By setting clear boundaries, Annalise was able to shift the dynamic with Janice. Everett noted that Annalise’s actions “made her manager step into a management role.” Janice started seeing Annalise as a valued colleague rather than as a threat. While the relationship remained complex, Annalise’s proactive approach helped her maintain a productive working partnership.

The need to clarify boundaries doesn’t arise only in relationships at work. As Everett observes, boundaries between work and personal time have become blurred in an age of working from home and constant communication—a situation providing another opportunity for coworkers to overstep the line you may feel comfortable with. They may simply be working to their own preferred pattern and not thinking about how that impacts you—unless you articulate the boundaries.

Sometimes You Just Have to Step Away

Open communication and boundary-setting are not always the answer. Sometimes, people are just unreasonable and inconsiderate. So, if all else fails, you need to be prepared to leave a toxic environment.

Jess was a junior designer at a small marketing agency. Unfortunately, she was surrounded by colleagues who constantly complained about everything. As Everett described it, “the others were just miserable. They moaned about everything, and everything was a problem.”

Despite Jess’s efforts to stay positive, the negative environment started to wear her down, a prime example of the contagious nature of negativity in the workplace.

Ultimately, Jess decided the best option was to leave the team and the company altogether. “Sometimes,” Everett says, “removing yourself from a bad situation is the healthiest choice, even if it means finding a new job, rather than trying to single-handedly fix the problems caused by others’ negative behaviours”.

Walking away from a bad situation is a last resort. Despite Jess’s experience, the theme of Everett’s work is that most of your colleagues aren’t actually bad people, and the chances are that they are unaware of their impact on others. Take some time to understand what drives their actions, open a conversation with them through curiosity and empathy rather than blame and work together to find a resolution that can lead to a more positive and enjoyable working environment.