Why are we still stuck talking about ourselves? Open most websites and you immediately see an ‘About Us’ page on the menu, rarely do you see one offering to talk ‘About You’.

Whether you want to build rapport with people, nurture relationships with your network or influence people beyond your network, you need to transport yourself into their minds. Showing a genuine interest in other people is a compelling way to establish a memorable connection.

From a referrals perspective, the key question you have to consider about the person to whom you would like to be referred is, ‘What do they need to hear about me to compel the action I would like them to take?’

The challenge is that we are too focused on our needs and wants when looking at our goals, rather than seeing things from the perspective of the people we would like to impact.

In a workshop yesterday I asked people to list who they would most like to secure as a client. A little later we revisited that list and I tasked the group to explain what challenges those prospects each had that meant that the services of that group member would be of interest to them.

One participant really struggled with the exercise. Every time she tried to explain it, it failed to land. As a result of her answers, no one else in the room would have found themselves in a better position to have the conversation and to create the introduction if they had the opportunity.

Eventually the penny dropped. She realised that she had only been focused on her desire to win the opportunity to work with that prospective client. She had recognised the value the prospect offered to her, rather than looking at the value she could offer to them.

In sales it’s known as ‘we-ing all over the place’! The classic sales presentation sums this approach up, where the presenter stands at the front of the room and proceeds with a series of statements:

“We are based  in…”

“We have xxx number of staff”

“We were founded in…”

“We specialise in…”

“We…we….we….we”

The poor prospect is sitting there thinking “what about me?”.

It’s imperative to start to see from others’ perspective, rather than from our own. Move from the language of ‘me’ and ‘we’ to the language of ‘you’.

Why are you relevant to them?

What will you help them to achieve?

What impact will you have on their business, their experiences, on them?

The clearer you are about who you want to influence, the easier it is to craft a message that will resonate with that individual. And to do that, you need to be them. Even if only for a few minutes.