You attend a networking event or conference, enjoy some interesting conversations and exchange a few business cards (if you still possess them!).

You meet someone engaging at a dinner party and exchange phone numbers and email addresses.

You sit next to someone at a work meeting and connect with each other on LinkedIn.

All good ways of building your network.

Or are they?

One of the biggest mistakes that people make when looking to develop strong professional networks is to believe that those networks are binary. You’re either “in my network” or out.

Studies and theories designed to calculate the average number of people in a network abound. The two most famous theories are Girard’s Law, which states that the average person knows 250 people, and Dunbar’s Number, which puts the number at 150.

There are plenty of issues with the use of these statistics. For a start, they are often used to make an argument (the average size of somebody’s network) that wasn’t the premise of the original studies.

For example, Robin Dunbar’s study explored how many people the average person could have a meaningful connection with and was based on his research exploring a connection between primate brain size and average group social size, and then the results were extrapolated for human beings.

Taking a less academically rigorous approach, U.S. salesman Joe Girard came up with his Law of 250 when he asked a funeral director how many people typically turned up to a Protestant funeral and was told that typically 250 people will show up. When he asked a wedding caterer a similar question, he was told that 250 people will typically show up on each side of the aisle.

Girard then concluded that most people have 250 people in their lives who would show up at their funeral or wedding.

Whatever you might think of the arguments made by Dunbar and Girard, particularly in the hyperconnected internet age (both theories predate widespread social media use), there are not many people who would argue that a conversation at a conference or an exchange of business cards indicates a meaningful connection or a wedding invitation.

Just assuming that people are in your network after a conversation and ticking off the task of connecting will, simply, lead to disenchantment with the whole process. The key word is meaningful, but this detail is often overlooked by people who focus on collecting business cards and LinkedIn connections.

Shift the focus away from ‘networking’ and instead think of relationship-building. That simple step helps to highlight the steps you need to take.

Rather than networks being binary, each person we meet goes on a journey with us. In some cases that journey ends abruptly and you become strangers again quickly. This happens more quickly than you might imagine, as people fail to follow up after their initial conversation.

With more thought and deliberation, you can take new contacts into the heart of your network. Move away from seeing people as in or out of networks, and picture instead seven stages of professional relationships.